yang pergi
dalam 2 minggu ini ada dua orang dekat yang meninggal. yang satu adik perempuan mama dan satu lagi saudara jauh yang sempat tinggal di belakang rumah.
2 tahun berturut-turut, selalu dengan kepergian orang-orang. mulai dari mama, papa, umi enong dan mamih. orang-orang berbeda. ketika sudah sedikit reda ditinggal mama disusul papa satu tahun kemudian. berlanjut 2 lagi pada tahun yang sama, seperti menarik kembali perasaan yang tentang kehilangan, kepergian dan kesepian.
i am typical of person that never know how to have a good cry. i mean like channeling it into right, beautiful direction. moreover, i always pretend those grieving things never happened. perhaps, cause i used to have myself as a loner therefore this kind of feeling like so familiar. no friend to talk at home/room, only chatting via med-soc, wondering, day-dreaming, sleeping, eating, having fight with my girl and it will fulfill my day to day. Yet, there was a point, a lowest one when suicide cross my mind but never happened into reality cause i hate the pain. i cant stand it, for sure. but lowest point coming even before my parents died. funny. yeah, i think i already learnt how to be lonely, and for now, i just play it better than before.
what my goals then ? having capable girl to living a best life together.
and this death news really embrace me to the lowest point of my life. but
but
but
it made realize that i need my full -right to cry. to let stream down on my face.
-meh-
dalam 2 minggu ini ada dua orang dekat yang meninggal. yang satu adik perempuan mama dan satu lagi saudara jauh yang sempat tinggal di belakang rumah.
2 tahun berturut-turut, selalu dengan kepergian orang-orang. mulai dari mama, papa, umi enong dan mamih. orang-orang berbeda. ketika sudah sedikit reda ditinggal mama disusul papa satu tahun kemudian. berlanjut 2 lagi pada tahun yang sama, seperti menarik kembali perasaan yang tentang kehilangan, kepergian dan kesepian.
i am typical of person that never know how to have a good cry. i mean like channeling it into right, beautiful direction. moreover, i always pretend those grieving things never happened. perhaps, cause i used to have myself as a loner therefore this kind of feeling like so familiar. no friend to talk at home/room, only chatting via med-soc, wondering, day-dreaming, sleeping, eating, having fight with my girl and it will fulfill my day to day. Yet, there was a point, a lowest one when suicide cross my mind but never happened into reality cause i hate the pain. i cant stand it, for sure. but lowest point coming even before my parents died. funny. yeah, i think i already learnt how to be lonely, and for now, i just play it better than before.
what my goals then ? having capable girl to living a best life together.
and this death news really embrace me to the lowest point of my life. but
but
but
it made realize that i need my full -right to cry. to let stream down on my face.
-meh-
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